March 6, 2012

In some ways, it feels like I’ve been back in Canada for a lifetime-long. In other ways, it feels like I just got here and haven’t really done anything yet.

Nevertheless, the time to go home is nearing.

What that also means, unfortunately, is it’s time to start saying goodbye to people I’ve seen here. You’d think after being abroad on and off for a good five years now, I’d be a bit more used to this whole goodbye-thing.

But I hate goodbyes.

Surprisingly, though, I don’t just hate goodbyes because of the whole wrecking-emotional-pain thing. Rather, sometimes they’re just so trite.

I mean, maybe it has something to do with the fact that goodbyes are difficult for all involved, and in absence of something real to say, you end up relying on stock phrases like “Keep in touch.” You know, because phrases like that seem appropriate, convey your emotions to an extent, and serve to say all the things you actually want to say, but either don’t know how to or don’t want to put into words.

The thing is, though, the phrase “Keep in touch” drives me up the wall.

You know why?

As I’vejust finished telling you, I have lived abroad on and off for awhile now. I’ve gone through multiple goodbyes with most people I know. But here’s the thing — living abroad really creates tensions on a friendship.

When I first moved abroad in 2007, I didn’t really get it. For the bulk of that year, it was really frustrating to see all the people I’d promised to “keep in touch” with fall off the face of the planet, even with Facebook and Skype. Or maybe I fell off the face of the planet. Who knows? What I did discover that year, though, is that it isreallyfucking hard to keep in touch with people abroad, no matter how important they are to you.

There are people who you, somehow, manage to stay in regular contact with through phone calls or e-mails weekly, or even a few times a month. There are others you pretty much stop talking to, excepting contact a couple of times per year. And then there are those who, no matter how often you kept in touch at the beginning, fall away from your life completely.

It used to really bug me. I guess it still bugs me to an extent.

But here’s the thing.

This is not the beginning anymore. If I made the effort to come see you in Canada (making road trips, braving winter driving conditions, whatever), chances are you are important to me.

Believe it or not, I have things to do in life. I come to Canada with the expectation of spending a lot of time with my mom and the people most important to me. I don’t make the effort to see people Ikind oflike, or haven’t kept in touch with.

If I see you, it means we’ve been successful at keeping in touch. When you tell me to “keep in touch”, two things run through my head.

a) “Well, we’ve kept in touch to this point, so why the hell would anything change?”
b) “Crap. Every time someone tells me that, they end up falling off the face of the planet! I don’t want to lose XYZPerson from my life!”

To the people I’ve visited here and any people in my future who might be in a similar situation:
Iam not falling off the face of the planet. Don’tyougo fall off, either. We have kept in touch until this point, and I have every intention of doing so. You know, so we can catch up next time I come visit.
“See you soon, have a safe flight” is a much better option.

So, thank you. I will have a safe flight, and look forward to seeing you soon!