The System

One of the hardest things about getting work experience in Germany is that you often need German work experience to get it. The kicker is that not only do you need German work experience, you need the right kind of German work experience.

As I'm sure 99.8% of you all know, I'm not exactly in one of those highly sought-after fields that gobble up foreigners who can't speak a word of German to save their lives. Not only am I attempting to enter a field that is known for spitting out the brightest, most well-connected people out like garbage, I'm attempting it as a foreigner with a colourful past.

Okay, my past isn't colourful as in "I have made my living until now in some illegal sub-sector of the economy", but as in "I am a foreigner who has happened to not only skip the globe a couple of times, but also take the sad advice of doing what other people thought I 'should' be doing, rather than focusing on what makes me happy."

It's not as if I haven't worked. I've worked, done very well at it in most jobs, and enjoyed it. I've developed weird interests like filing and fixing/writing company e-mails that go out to clients and customers that don't come around unless you've ever worked in an office environment.

Unfortunately, these roughly eight years of job experience account for nothing here since a) they're in the wrong field, b) I'm studying humanities and therefore am not "qualified" to do what I've done the last eight years, and c) I don't have a fucking piece of paper saying I performed x-activities for x-years.

The job search is a tough one for a lot of expatriates, and even if you speak the language and don't have visa issues, it's not necessarily a walk in the park.

Still, my year and a half of perseverance has paid off, and I now have two jobs.

Yay for me!

Except for the fact they're still not considered official work experience most of the time because they're student jobs.

You try getting a non-student job as a student.

Hello, catch-22.

I don't know. I mean, what I'm doing feels like work, and I'm apparently getting paid to do it (albeit at the student wage that's actually below the minimum wage in all Canadian provinces, including rip-off-Alberta (where I'm from). I'm also using some of my past non-work-experience to do it.

But really, I suppose it's not fair to always be bitching about it.

I mean, if I were in Canada with a Master of Arts degree in my field, I can guarantee you that my job prospects would be 0 (you know, overqualified for my experience and under-qualified for what I'm actually trying to do), and I would be begging to answer phones for 8 bucks an hour.

...On some illegal sub-sector of the economy, of course, since I wouldn't technically be allowed to work for that wage in Canada anymore.

Germany, your system is stupid. But I'm going to play along anyway, because 8 bucks an hour is better than 0. Besides, my jobs are actually awesome! But you know me... Always find the less-awesome side of the coin and complain about it. So isses.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Hiking

So, about a week ago, I was in Allgäu with the 'rents and my puppy.

Unsure of what to do on a Friday night, it was decided that we would all do an evening hike of a smaller mountain! Yay!

Why such a small mountain, you ask?

Well, to the chagrin of M., I always show up in Allgäu in non-hiking-appropriate footwear. You know, like the leather shoes that everyone runs around in over on my side of the country. To M.'s triple-chagrin, both of my travelling companions were in even less hiking-suitable footwear than me. (Read: Sandals and newer leather walking shoes.)

Therefore, we chose to hike a smaller mountain of around 200 metres or so.

And thus, I present to you an Allgäu hiking edition of "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly"!

GOOD:

• My dog cannot only hike mountains, he's f-ing amazing at it. Perhaps he didn't really tire because he's so low to the ground and thus doesn't notice he's going up a steep slope. More likely, he's just a tank and can handle jagged rocks like one of those mountain-running champions. My lovely trooper, I've never seen anything like that before in my life... I wish I had pictures of a Dackel manouvering jagged rocks triple the size of him like a champ.
• I used to hike a lot when I was 18. You know, backpacking, camping and that sort of thing. A nice combination of my asthma getting worse and a nasty break-up led to the fact I haven't done ANY hiking since then. Despite the fact I had to take my inhaler every five feet not because I was out of breath in the "I can't do this" way, but because my asthma is about a quadrillion times worse than it was a decade ago, I am very impressed at the fact doing nothing can still allow my legs to go, go go!

BAD:

• Lots of nice dairy products come from Allgäu. This unfortunately means there are lots of cows in the mountains. I mean, I get this is an Allgäu thing, but I am used to hiking in the Rockies in silence, save a few animal growls in the distance, bear bells tinkling from passers-by, or people singing in the absence of bear bells. The whole "klang-klang" was not necessarily terrible, just a little off-putting.
• Of course, going up a steep trail in leather shoes is fine. I've worn those puppies in! BUT: Going up a steep trail of jagged rocks covered in mud in leather shoes without grips on the bottom is not really fine. So, what do I do? Pretend I'm a yeti and take off my shoes. Yeah, that's right. Barefoot up the mountain!

UGLY:

• As awesome as it was going barefoot up the mountain, going barefoot down jagged rocks while having a Max-who-just-couldn't-get-enough on the other end of the leash pulling me down was not included in my definition of a fun evening hike. Pray, what is better? Sliding down a mountain because of non-grippy shoes, or slicing your feet up? No worries, I did both!

Guess who's bringing their decade-old hiking boots on their next trip to Allgäu??

Half a Decade

September 5th this year marks five years since I first moved across the pond. My Germany today wasn't the same as it was five years ago, not by a long shot. When I make the comparison to what I experienced eight years ago when I first came here on vacation, I feel like I can't even make a comparison because things are so different. The only things that are similar are pretzels with butter and that ridiculous tetra-packed shelf-milk that sits on my shelf until I'm ready to put it in the fridge.

It could also just be that I become more aware of certain things the longer I get here.

Still, there are some significant things that I've noticed in the last five. Let's play show and tell!

• You can get Froot Loops here now. I remember my first couple months here, when my ex brought me Froot Loops from the Commissary in Stuttgart, and I just about wet myself with happiness every time I took a bite from that lovely box. (Oh wait. I mean the Froot Loops box. Hey-oh!) That being said, I probably still would have the same reaction today, since I have little to no inclination to shell out money for something that costs around 10,00€/kg.
• Come to think about it, certain foods are just all-round easier to get here. It's not like I couldn't get them before, but I no longer have to hunt and comb stores for: maple syrup, peanut butter, SHREDDIES and baking soda.
• I see people running around the streets every so often in sweat pants. I see little girls running to school in sweats and runners; little girls running around in thick tights and dresses seem to be more the exception than ever.
• That being said, I see a growing Americanization everywhere. Whereas people used to wear proper trousers, everyone including their grandparents are wearing jeans, running shoes and t-shirts. My mom is coming to Germany to visit, and upon advising her packing list, she was in disbelief that things had changed so significantly in eight years. And the consumerism. Whatever happened to the schwäbisch Sparen, Sparen, Sparen! ?? Even they hit Königsstraße with a gusto!
• Trigger warning for the menz: I remember running around for hours upon hours when I first moved here looking for tampons with applicators. Sorry, but I've never been okay with the ob/finger deal. Still missing are plastic applicators, but I'll get over it. Maybe in the next five, eh?
• Sundays are different now. Bakeries are now open on Sundays in many places. Just not in Möhringen in Stuttgart. Imagine my surprise when walking Maxie one Sunday morning whilst visiting friends, dying of hunger, with no open bakery in sight. We NRW-ians are spoiled.
• You still get your average Kraut running around about the Ruhezeit, but I've noticed this happens less and less often. Being silent between the hours of 13:00 and 15:00 is also becoming less important. Hell, some people even do their laundry on Sundays these days! The horror!
• Just when I got used to the faintly comforting smell of Persil, I noticed that they now have regular Waschmittel with a scent. I mean, sure, there was always fabric softener, but the smell never really stuck to the clothes, so I never worried about it. I remember when I lived down south, my American neighbour would always smell me when I came over because -- having PX privileges and all -- I smelled strongly of lavender and vanilla fabric softener. No, it wasn't as creepy as it sounds. I admit I only tried the Lenor soap because it was on sale and cheaper than my regular Persil, but every time I take something out of the closet and put it on, the smell of orange blossoms shocks and awes me every single time. Especially because it lasts through wearing, too. Boah. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. Ambivalent. That's how I feel about it. I like it, but it just feels so wrong. Yes, I know you have no idea what I'm talking about.

But those are just things. For me, both so many things have changed while nothing has changed at all. I'm no longer a 21-year-old exploring a new country and culture. I'm in my mid-twenties, and while that isn't old, I feel like Germany has aged me dramatically into a nagging, ordentlich Kraut who follows rules without fail.

"Hey, you! Do not cross the street on red! What will the children think?! Yes, I realize there aren't any children around, but there could be! Don't break the rules! Jaywalking is VERBOTEN!!!"

I still can't stand 97% of Krauts I meet, and I'm still not sure if I dislike it here, am just ambivalent, or am only here because it's cool to tell people that you're living in Europe, even though it's one of the least special characteristics ever.

Oh yeah, and I can't really speak English anymore. I've long given up on genders for German nouns, and thus speak some sort of Denglish with most people. You know, English sentence structure, German nouns, and a mix of German and English verbs, adjectives and adverbs.

"So, I went spazieren with Max, and dann I saw this Stück Brot on the grass, and had to pull Max weg since he tried to eat it. Er war soooo sauer auf mich, but seriously, es gibt people who are putting razorblades or Gift inside things to make dogs tot."

The worst thing about the whole Denglish thing is that 95% of people I converse with on a (semi-)regular basis are German-English bilingual, so there is no reason for me to give up this nonsense.

So, yeah. There's me five years later. Degenerating and ambivalent.

Funsies, oder?