August 1, 2011

One of the things you get used to as an expatriate is living in a gray area. After awhile, where you come from is no longer completely home, but neither is where you live. Edmonton-Calgary-Germany. That was my fun little hybrid-pyramid.
Or so I thought.

You see, Calgary and Edmonton are worlds apart in many ways. So, even though “home” is technically the greater-Edmonton area, I didn’t feel any discomfort at anything when I lived in Calgary. During the two times that I lived there, it was arguably more “home” than living in Edmonton ever was. In fact, it wasn’t until shortly before I moved back to Germany that I recognized the part living in Edmonton actually played in developing who I am; like it or not (mostly not), it has stuck with me in the most basic of ways.

But I digress.

What I didn’t realize is that it’s possible to split that Germany into Cologne and Stuttgart. Because, frankly, if Edmonton and Calgary are miles apart lifestyle-wise, what in the world was I thinking? Cologne and Stuttgart. Well, even for inter-Germany, where each town has it’s own way of doing things, I’d say the contrast is pretty great. And lately, I’ve realized there’s a part of me that really misses Stuttgart. It’s actually kind of like creating a Calgary-Edmonton contrast.

Calgary/Cologne: I have fun here, prefer the way of life here, and prefer the people here.
Edmonton/Stuttgart: Hate the cities. But it’s inevitably home.

One thing that it really comes down to in Stuttgart, though, is the silence.

If I take the U-Bahn in Stuttgart, most of the time people are quiet, reading a book/newspaper and generally minding their own business and/or glaring holes into your forehead as they observe you like a circus animal. In Cologne, it’s a lot of crowding, yelling, people listening to music way too loud on their smartphones, babies screaming, children smacking you on the leg/arm/head as their parents are busy sending text messages, etc.

In Stuttgart, people don’t run through the streets screaming. They don’t play loud Karneval music as they’re getting ready for work at 6:00 am. (Well, maybe some of them do, and I just didn’t have the misfortune of meeting them.)

I like the silence. If you know me, you are probably annoyed by my inability to do anything if there is noise around me. If you’ve ever been to my flat, you’ve probably said, “It’s nice, but I could never live here… It’s just too quiet!”

So, there you go. Not feeling at home anywhere doesn’t just mean country-country, but also city-city.
As if I wasn’t feeling torn enough.