Nobody Told Me I Almost Died Today!

So, here I am taking a break from revising my thesis (so much harder than writing it, btw), and I decide to take a 5-er and check out my news feed on Facebook. Lo and behold, almost every post is about someone going to an end-of-the-world party, and the whole time I'm thinking "Wow, and here I am sitting with my thesis on a Friday ni... Wait?! Weltuntergang? Wasn't that last year?" Only to see, of course, the more, errrmmm... reputable sites informing me that an asteroid was about to whiz past the earth.

NBD, though, because I checked my news feed five minutes after it apparently went by.

Good thing that whole Armageddon thing would probably mean no people would be left on the earth, cuz I'd hate to be that guy who was tolling away on a humanities project (which most people consider to be totally not worthwhile at the best of times) as the world ended.

I hope you would have had a cooler dying story than me, that's all I can say.

But, for the record, were I to totally almost-not-really die again, I'd totally still be kickin' it with them antislavery women-folk.

Things I Wanted to Know before Dying

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here I go with the Mayan end-of-the-world drama again.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I like making lists, and pretending I'm going to die tomorrow gives me a good excuse to make more lists. Plus, my penchant for trying to make things sound as exciting as possible (which I typically fail miserably at) means I'm a sucker for sensationalism.

So, if I pretend that I am going to die tomorrow, here are some things I would be sad about not ever finding out:

• Who is the mother of Ted Mosby's children?
• Was Django Unchained as good as it was supposed to be?
• Who wrote me that cryptic Facebook message before I moved back to Germany?
• Does Nicholas Brody ever make it to Canada?
• How much wood could a woodchuck really chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
• Why has my asthma been so bad the last year? / Why has a large percentage of my body flat-out given up on me?
• Where is the best place to buy a good mattress that is both affordable and will last me for many years to come?
• Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Happy Last Week of Life, Everyone

 So, how have you been spending the last week of your life?

I've been working on my Master's thesis as per normal, and plan to spend the week working my little tushie off to save enough overtime hours to enjoy a mini-vacation until January 7th. Which, of course, is all for naught since we'll all be dead by Friday.

Speaking of which, I have a question...

I live in Germany. My family lives in Canada. Does this mean I die eight hours before they do, or did the Mayans figure out some way for it to be December 21, 2012 in all the world at the same time to flip the switch? Or are we all gonna be blown to smithereens one time zone at a time?

MUSLIM AFRICAN RE-ELECTED TO RUIN CHAMPION OF THE FREE WORLD *cough*

Thank you, majority of Americans, for giving me good news when I woke up. My liver thanks you in advance since I no longer have to start a rape-baby-gift-from-God-and-no-longer-in-the-binder-because-I'm-standing-in-the-kitchen drinking campaign.

PS -- I am fully aware of Obama's shortcomings. I don't actually like him as a president in the first place. But, in comparison to Mittens, well...

September 24, 2011

Okay, I’ll admit I know very little about the existing financial crisis in Europe other than the fact we’re basically fucked. I mean… It’s not for lack of trying to learn about the whole thing, but two of my weakest areas of understanding are in post-war economics and international politics. So… yeah. I’ve been trying. But really, I just don’t get it.

That’s okay, though, because Canadian Finance Minister, Flaherty, is here to explain and fix all!!
So anyway, Flaherty seems to be all up in our business! We’re not doing enough! We need MORE money in the reserve fund! The whole world is depending on us! We have to fix this all before life as we know it ends! (We, of course, being primarily Germany and France…)

Flaherty pointed Friday evening to the group’s Thursday communique, which said there is “flexibility” in the European Financial Stability Facility, the fund set aside to inject cash into banks in the region in the event of a financial crisis. The fund has been set aside to inject cash into banks in the region in the event of a financial crisis, and Flaherty said it must be large enough to overwhelm any financial threat to banks.
He said Friday morning that it was insufficient to deal with the size of the financial crisis, which is “very serious” in Europe.

Very serious financial crisis? Thank you, Captain Obvious. Even I figured that one out.

“It is clear that there is a need for further action to restore confidence and stem contagion,” Flaherty said.
“I expect the Europeans to follow through on these commitments. Decisive action is needed and it is important that it be of sufficient scale to return confidence.”
Flaherty and Bank of Canada Governor Mark Carney, who was with him at the meeting, said it’s urgent to get ahead of the markets.
“This is a fragile situation in Europe, but it’s fixable,” Carney said.

It’s fixable, eh?? I’m sure it is, Mr. Carney, one way or the other. But since our leaders all have been struggling to rectify the situation for months and months, now, maybe you can step in and give us some more of that expert opinion! We obviously need it!

Carney agreed the problem is manageable if the European countries keep their commitments from Thursday, by making sure financial institutions have enough capital and that the EFSF backstop is big enough.
“It is not a question of ability for the Eurozone. It is a question of political will,” he said.

Right. Because Merkel, Sarkozy, et al. are trying to ruin everything. Either that, or they’d be able to do it if they just wanted it bad enough.

The EFSF can be used to buy bonds held by troubled banks, extend credit to debt-burdened countries if their borrowing costs soar and shore up banks which are short of cash.

Gosh… They haven’t been tossing around that idea!! Good thinking!! What would we do without you?!?!

Flaherty suggested boosting the fund to €1 trillion ($1.4 trillion) from the current €440 billion ($610 billion).
“There’s the question of whether [the emergency fund] is large enough. Our view is it needs to be larger to have the clear capacity to overwhelm the problem,” Flaherty said.

So, ermm… where do you suppose getting that extra €660 billion?? Would you like us “strong” countries to fund even more of the crap that’s going on so we can save the world from its impending doom? I mean… That’s a lot of money. I sure don’t have that much lying around in my piggy bank…
It’s a bit Jack Layton-esque (rest his soul), this idea of coming up with money by the snap of some fingers. I mean, sure, the reason you need all that money and funding is a good one. I’m not going to argue there. But, ermm… Where are you going to get that money, exactly?? It’s not like our tax rate is low over here, you know.

“Certainly in Europe we need an exercise in political will, we need decisiveness, we need clarity.”

Then please, Flaherty, come fix things for us. We had no idea the problem was this bad until you said something.

We’re obviously in need of your help.
(Source: MSN)