Survivor 26: Douchebags vs. Wingnuts

Survivor 26 Fan vs. Favorites Premiere: An Ode to Boston Rob 

(How Fitting for Valentine's Day...)

 

First of all, stop silently judging me. As it just so happens, German TV is crap, and the twenty-sixth season of Survivor happens to be available on the internet during the lull of the week when nothing interesting is on. And, for funsies, it makes me feel old as heck since I stopped watching it religiously back in Season Effing Eight, back in my first semester of college.

I don't know what makes me feel older... The fact I distinctly remember drooling over love-of-my-life Colby Donaldson of Australia back when I was at swim camp in Arizona in those olden days when I was still an athlete, or the fact I'll soon be closing in on a decade of post-secondary.

So, anyway, I decided to watch the first episode. And because of the fact I'd actually be more in love (you know, in the way teenage girls are in love with celebrities... as in: not actually) with Boston Rob than Colby if he wasn't married to freaking hot Ambaaah, I couldn't get him out of my head the entire episode. For the obvious reasons, and also because it seems the only way them Survivor folk can keep people interested across the plethora of seasons is to constantly mention either Boston Rob as a HERO OF THE GAME, or Russell Hantz as the DEVIL HIMSELF REINCARNATED. 

So, in an ode-to-Boston-Rob way, here are some Season 26 Episode 1 survivor dedications to him -- both intentional and not -- in the first episode.

1. Some crazy woman (they seem to only cast identical blondes, so please excuse me when I don't note her name until she's already voted off) noted the following the snogging of fire-fighter Eddie* and some other blonde who shall remain nameless: 

"Romantic alliances do not work on Survivor."

Now, please excuse me, Nameless Crazy Blonde, but may I please direct your attention to the likes of Boston Rob and Ambaaah, as well as Ethan and Jenna. There are also websites for people crazier than me out there who document more of the Survivor-lovers. Maybe YOU do not work on Survivor.

2. Underwear Phillip running a tally of Boston Rob's rules. BR rule number one! BR rule number two! BR rule number three! Blah, blah something about cutting everyone's throats except for family and Ambaaah, because her body is slammin'!

3. Okay, this one is not so obvious, which pretty much means I just made it up, but Eddie's whole "This is like the cool guys at the table in the cafeteria in high school"... First, omfg shut up. Second, I'm pretty sure you were not at BR's cool table in high school.

4. And, in closing to a blog post that turned from cheeky to miserably stalker-obsessed, there's the whole tribal council thing where Jeff felt like reminding people that real players of Survivor know the game moves fast, and that things can even change at tribal council. You know, like how Boston Rob would put a hand on the person's shoulder who was going to be voted out. Because he was the ringleader of the cool guys' table at high school and all that.

Oh, and by the by, kudos to Brandon for pointing that out. After an observant comment like that, you didn't have to see next week's preview to know he's just as snakey as his devil-reincarnated uncle.

*By the way Eddie, props to you for having the aptly named surname of Fox. Also, you're 23. Please stop making me feel like a grandmother/cradle robber. Thank you.

Okay, I've stopped. You may now return to your regular scheduled programming... You know, about stuff you actually care about. And while you're back with your regular scheduled programming, could you please pray for me that I don't also start blogging about Germany's Next Topmodel in a couple weeks?

xthxbye